“I’m Already Dead!”

Wearing a mask to stop the transmission of the Covid-19, has become a political statement to some. The world is exposing “Karens” who shun the idea. But one zombie, a former Florida man, is blasting his former employer for firing him for NOT wearing a mask!

“I’m already dead”, exclaimed Frank, who is a registered Zombie, according to the 2020 Census. “It’s my right! I didn’t die of a sickness- I was hit by a car!”.

Frank used to work  for a division of the U.S. Government, although he can’t tell us what department.

“It’s not that it’s a security issue, I just forgot. Past life and stuff. I don’t even know what my last name used to be. I’ve been dead a while, that’s why I don’t need a mask. The only way I’m contagious is if I bite you”.

Last week, Frank reported to his cubicle like normal, sans mask. But when a supervisor asked Frank to put a mask on, Frank refused. Then the supervisor let Frank go from his job.

“No questions, suspensions or reviews- just the pink slip and the heave ho.

After 23 years – 20 live and 3 dead! I was never was late and never called in sick. I even came to work the day of my funeral! “


According to a recent employment study the U.S. Government employs the single largest amount of Zombies. All  government employees, alive or dead,  are required to wear a mask unless they have a medical reason as to why they can’t, according to the latest mass memo.

Going to the doctor was NOT an option for this, now out of work zombie.

“What part I AM ALREADY DEAD don’t people understand!  My HMO co-pay does not cover more than one autopsy a year! Every day one of my co-workers had rotten fingers breaking off on the keyboards or ears falling off while listening to voice mails. They don’t need a doctor’s note. Last week Stan in HR sneezed and blew his face off- what good did a mask do then but to catch his nose? The lunchroom looked like an FX show!”

When asked if he is thinking of filing a  discrimination lawsuit, Frank said:

“I have already contacted my attorney. That supervisor was a little too re-animated, if you know what I mean! It definitely was a hostile work environment! Just because I am dead doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’m putting my resume on Missing LinkedIn”.

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