THERE can be no going back to the complacent pre-Covid culture that produced Ed Sheeran, experts have confirmed.

The public is being urged to remain on the alert at all times for another uncontrollable outbreak of mass tastelessness that was responsible for Galway Girl reaching number one.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Although lockdown has been difficult, it has given us a real chance to wipe out dangerously contagious music like Ed Sheeran’s forever.

“By making everyone, including Ed Sheeran, stay at home, we have reduced the likelihood of exposure. If we keep it up, we may be able to eradicate this pandemic of generic blandness altogether.

“Anyone accidentally exposed to an Ed Sheeran track in a pub, restaurant, gym or taxi cab should immediately apply ear sanitiser.

“Furthermore, if you know anyone who has had prolonged exposure to the music of Ed Sheeran, the entirety of Divide for example, they must self-isolate.

“Whilst these sacrifices are hard, it will  be worth it to never have to hear Shape of You ever again.”

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