BRATTLEBORO, VT—Expressing shock at the indecent architectural structure, local Vermont man Beau Colton told reporters Wednesday he was aghast after catching sight of a topless bridge out in public.

“I couldn’t believe it at first, but there it was, right in broad daylight in the middle of the road, hanging out completely uncovered,” said a visibly distressed Colton, confirming that though he had almost immediately averted his eyes, the image of the bridge’s nude truss would likely be forever seared into his mind.

“I know there are some parts of the country where anything goes these days, but I never thought I’d live to see a Vermont bridge making a fool of itself, sitting there without so much as a piece of plywood on, as naked as the day it was built.” At press time, Colton had reportedly lost faith in the state of the world after passing by a maple tree with a completely exposed sap-hole.

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