FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Noting that the cereal ad had absolutely zero to do with marital indiscretions, local man William Harris told reporters Friday that it was entirely unclear what about the Honey Nut Cheerios commercial he had just watched prompted his father to reveal his past affair.
“Maybe it was something about the happiness of the actor or a nostalgia for cereal, but whatever it was, he just went ahead and dropped the fact that he cheated like a bomb,” said Harris, adding that about 10 seconds into the commercial, right as the milk hit the cereal, his father looked him dead in the eye and told him he’d been unfaithful to his mom various times throughout his childhood.
“He just kept saying that he got married too young, and he didn’t really know what he wanted, all while looking at Buzz the Bee waving his honey stirrer around. Again, I really don’t know what caused him to reveal that, or the fact that I have a few brothers and sisters I’ve apparently never met before, but I should maybe thank Cheerios, I guess?”
At press time, Harris told reporters that he wasn’t sure if it was related to the car commercial that came on after, but apparently, his father also has a debilitating gambling problem.