DENVER, CO—Endeavoring to determine what would constitute the most compelling learning materials for her third-grade class, local elementary school teacher Meredith Coggins was reportedly wondering Friday if “outer space” or “ocean” would be a better theme for the bulletin board listing coronavirus rules.

“It’s super important that my third graders engage in safe behaviors that won’t spread the virus, so I want something with lots of bright colors and interesting shapes that they’ll really respond to,” said Coggins, scrolling through the offerings on a school supply website and wondering aloud if a border of fish and whales or stars and planets would do a better job of ensuring her students maintain social distance and regularly wash their hands.

“On the one hand, with ‘space’ I could probably connect the dangers of not wearing an astronaut helmet with the dangers of not wearing a mask in a way the students will understand, but with the ocean we could have a visual of an octopus using plenty of soap and water on all eight tentacles.”

At press time, Coggins had purchased an additional jungle-themed display that a substitute could put up when she was inevitably hospitalized after contracting covid. 

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