STAYCATIONERS are sending pathetic little postcards to family from places like Weston-super-Mare with pitiable pictures of Britain on the front. 

The postcards, which are as depressing to send as they are to receive, contain no hint of exoticism in either picture, stamps or content.

Hannah Tomlinson said: “Last year, I got a postcard from Auntie Cheryl of a Greek statue with a big cock.

“Its very aroma was redolent of white sand and ouzo, and its slanted handwriting told of an affair with a fellow guest that was long over when it arrived with us, three weeks after she got home.

“This year she’s sent a picture of Aberystwyth. It arrived the day after she’d sent it, the photo could have been taken in 1955 and the message was about getting a parking ticket.

“It made me want to jump in the sea. Though not at Aberystwyth, because apparently it’s full of McDonald’s cups people have crapped in.”

Tomlinson will later this month send a postcard reading: ‘Dear Auntie Cheryl, Skegness is dull as f**k, wish I’d stayed at home to be honest. Sorry. Love Hannah.’

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