“Saturday Night Live” opened this weekend’s show with an interview between CNN’s Wolf Blitzer (played by cast member Beck Bennett) and the “American Gothic” of the pandemic: White House coronavirus task force members Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Birx (Kate McKinnon and Heidi Gardner).
Bennett’s Blitzer compared the vaccine – Pfizer and BioNTech’s candidate was approved for emergency use by the U.S. Food and Drug Adminisration on Friday – to the Sony PlayStation 5.
“Everybody wants it, nobody can get it — and if you’re rich you already had it a month ago,” he said.
As Fauci and Birx were cheered, McKinnon’s Fauci reminded the audience to “keep the ‘woo’s to a minimum,” because “’woo’s spread droplets.”
McKinnon — who has also played men such as Rudy Giuliani, Sen. Lindsey Graham, and former Attorney General Jeff Sessions — said the U.S. was rolling out the vaccine “World War II style” by “making England go in first” then “we swoop in at the end and steal the spotlight.”
The U.K. approved the Pfizer vaccine for emergency use shortly before the U.S.
McKinnon’s Fauci added that Tom Hanks will make 10 movies about the vaccine and when it’s finally over “you can kiss any nurse you want.”
He and Birx then said the first doses of the vaccine would go to health care workers, seniors – “anyone who pays for Red Lobster with a Diner’s Club Card” – then prisoners, teachers and sick people.
Everyone else? They’ll get it in “July twenty … bada bada,” Fauci said, being vague about which year.
Criticizing President Trump’s job in getting the vaccine prepared for distribution, McKinnon’s Fauci said, “I try not to comment, but this president has done about as good a job with this rollout as I did throwing out that pitch at the Nationals.”
Bennett’s Blitzer then showed a video clip of the real-life Fauci throwing a really bad ceremonial pitch at a Washington Nationals baseball game in July.
Gardner’s Birx comforted Facui by telling him, “We all mess up sometimes. You threw the ball wrong, I didn’t say ‘Don’t drink the bleach.’”
The sketch also made a reference to Fauci’s bizarre sex symbol status among some Americans, because, according to McKinnon’s Fauci, “I was the only one saying facts.”
“Any other year, I’m a two. This year I’m a 10,” he shrugged.
The doctors also explained how they plan to get around the problems of needing to store the vaccine at extremely cold temperatures and making sure Americans come back for a second dose.
Gardner’s Birx said the vaccine will be stored in “Coor’s Light cold-activated cans” — “So when the mountains are blue you know the vaccine is effective.”
McKinnon’s Fauci said they plan to use a “technique long employed by one-night stands who have caught feelings.”
Patients who’ve gotten one dose of the vaccine can leave a necklace at CVS, “just so they have an excuse to go back.”
He added the distribution will go alphabetically, starting with “A-California” and “Ba-New York City.” And in New Orleans the vaccine will be tossed up like Mardi Gras beads.
“The more you show, the more you get,” he said.
Fauci closed by saying he’ll know he did his job if everything goes well with the vaccine rollout and he’s no longer needed and can go back to being just another “anonymous hunk.”