BERLIN—Upon waking up from a medically induced coma, Russian opposition leader Aleksei Navalny vowed that he would never again patronize the Tomsk Airport café after getting nerve agent poisoning there, sources close to the vocal Putin critic confirmed Wednesday.
“The last time I went there, I got so sick I honestly thought I was going to die,” said Navalny, who added that in the future he would not give his business to any establishment that “screws up something as simple as a cup of tea” by preparing it with Novichok, a highly lethal chemical weapon banned by international treaty.
“The worst part is that it’s completely ruined tea for me—I can’t even smell the stuff anymore without wanting to throw up. I’ve tried calling the café’s management to complain, but it’s like they’re afraid to even talk about it. While there’s not really anything they could do to make it up to me, you would think they’d at least offer to send a gift card my way.”
According to reports, the outspoken anti-corruption crusader later went online to write a one-star review of the café that simply said, “Do not go here.”