CHARLOTTE, NC—Applauding the soon-to-be bereaved widows and orphans for their profound sacrifices, the Republican National Convention kicked off Monday evening with a tribute from family members of Americans who will die if Donald Trump wins a second term.
“Above all else, we wanted to use the convention to honor these brave citizens and all that they will suffer if we succeed in getting President Trump back into office,” said RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel, touting the primetime slot of brief speeches from the potentially beleaguered parents and siblings as a chance to raise the profile of “true patriots” who will endure the unimaginable should the policies of the current White House remain in place for four more years.
“One of the most powerful moments of the night was the standing ovation for that mother of two after she talked about how much she’ll miss her two boys who might die due to the continued lack of any clear federal response to the largest pandemic in a century. But what really got me was hearing from the 12-year-old who might become fatherless in 2021 if his dad gets a chance to believe the president about another disproven cure for Covid-19.”
At press time, the RNC was airing a short sentimental tribute set to “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” dedicated to all 1,500,000 future victims of the pandemic after a 2020 Trump victory.