YONKERS, NY—Expressing his excitement that the demonstration was occurring nearby, local man Ted Shriver was reportedly thrilled Tuesday after a Black Lives Matter protest march passed close enough to his apartment for him to claim he participated in it.
“This is great, I can look out my window and pump my fists in the air as marchers walk by and no one can say I wasn’t technically involved,” said Shriver, confirming that hastily scrawling “BLM” on a piece of paper and waving it out the window as the march turned down his block made him a de facto activist. “Someday, if my kids ask me where I was during this crucial moment in American history, I can say that I took part in a protest and technically it will be true! And while I’m not actually sure any of the other marchers saw me, they could probably feel my moral support.”
At press time, Shriver was reportedly overjoyed to get a second chance to participate in a demonstration after a Proud Boys counter-protest passed by his apartment shortly after.