ANN ARBOR, MI—In a report issued Thursday from a stretch of U.S. 23 South, Wilson Ornithological Society researchers shared new data that suggests owls just bounce off your windshield right there on the highway sometimes.
“According to our research, it is possible for an owl to come out of nowhere, slam face-first into your car, and then ricochet back off into the night before you even realize what has occurred,” said Professor Jarrett Miller, a member of the four-person team of ornithologists who collected the data, which indicates the nocturnal bird of prey makes a surprisingly loud twhapping sound as it strikes the glass of an automobile traveling 70 mph.
“Our group of avian experts discovered that it’s pretty nuts when it happens, with at least 75% of vehicle occupants turning to each other and saying, ‘Whoa!’ or ‘What the hell?’ While we’ve previously recorded instances of these majestic creatures hunting and roosting, we now know they’re also capable of getting smacked pretty hard by a Honda Accord and then spinning away in a tangled blur of feathers. They don’t squawk or anything; they just kind of go ‘thunk.’”
Because the researchers were reportedly late for a conference and did not stop to look for the owl, they were unable to confirm their hypothesis that the bird’s hollow bones had probably fractured into thousands of really tiny shards.