INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Responding to a wave of canceled checks after news broke of a potential shutdown, NCAA officials reminded boosters Wednesday that full bribes were still due to their respective teams even if the Division I FBS season was canceled.
“It’s unfortunate that we may not get to play football this year, but you still have a responsibility to grease our palms,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert, reaching out to boosters to clarify that even without a season, the need for a new field house and the mortgage payments on his vacation home do not go away. “Your schools need you more than ever with the financial shortfall of a canceled season. Nobody is happy about this outcome, but you need to honor the off-the-books promises you made to your alma mater. We’re extending the deadline to pay, but don’t even think about asking for a discount.”
At press time, NCAA officials revealed that despite retaining 100% of their bribe revenue, teams would no longer be making normal cash handoffs to high school recruits.