YELLOW SPRINGS, OH—Expressing concern that the actions of the feline had exposed deficiencies in his parenting skills, pet owner Aaron DeSpiegler admitted Tuesday he was deeply worried he may not be caring or responsible enough to be a father after his adopted cat, Muffin, killed four children and a teacher and wounded several others in a middle school shooting.

“I always believed I had what it took to have a family, but now that I know Muffin was able to buy an AR-15 at a gun show without my knowledge and take it to school, I don’t know if I’m cut out for the much larger responsibility of having a child,” said DeSpiegler, who claimed he was able to keep his pet sheltered and healthy but is not certain he provided adequate emotional support for his obviously troubled cat.

“Of course it’s tempting to blame Muffin’s actions on his birth parents, but the hard truth is I’ve raised him since he was a kitten and I have to accept responsibility for how he ended up. I ignored all the warning signs: the increasingly hostile behavior, the isolation, the white nationalist literature all over his scratching pad. I have a lot to learn if I ever want to be a dad.” DeSpiegler admitted he should have taken a tougher look at himself last year after his pet hamster burned down his woodshed.

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