CLICHY, FRANCE—Touting the product’s ability to keep clean, perfect lines even while dragged against rough asphalt or pavement, L’Oreal introduced Monday their new smudge-proof lipstick that’s able to withstand getting hit by a bus.
“Enhanced with new colors and scents, this all-day, high-impact lipstick is guaranteed to keep you looking chic even while you’re getting crushed beneath a 20-ton vehicle,” said L’Oréal spokesperson Charlotte Boucher, who added that the new lipstick was guaranteed to last up to 24 hours, even if you step in front of a bus and slam directly into windshield, or get caught on its bumper and are pulled face-down along the highway screaming for your life.
“Whether you’re hit at 60 mph and are splattered across the pavement or sucked up into bus’s grill and have to be pulled out by the jaws of life, L’Oréal will make sure you’re just as kissable as the minute you put your lipstick on. With L’Oréal, it’s simple—the rest of you might be smudged by the tire treads but your lips won’t be.”
At press time, L’Oréal had unveiled a new line of extra glossy highlighters to help first responders locate the remainder of their customers’ faces.