This publication has long prided itself on bringing you the most scintillating gaming deals, but today, we bring forth one that eclipses everything that came before. You might remember a certain exclusive for the original Xbox titled Brute Force that promised cooperative, third-person shooter gameplay split between four players. Well, if the thought of getting your hands on this 2003 release raises a feeling of unbearable nostalgia, then we have a certain mutually beneficial arrangement for you: Kill the man pictured above with your bare hands and we will give you a free copy of this game.
A tidy proposition, is it not, gamers? It seems there’s an incredible deal lying at your doorstep and all you need do to redeem it is extinguish one measly life.
Don’t trouble yourself with who this man is or what he has done to deserve our ire. We will not get into those details, nor would it be prudent to do so. Simply understand that his blood must be drawn before midnight in order to receive recompense with this gently used copy of Digital Anvil’s squad-based tactical shooter.
You cannot use a knife or a firearm in your bloodletting. He must understand that his death is an example of vengeance par excellence. Do you see? He must know it in the depths of his heart.
Do it. Do it before we take back this extraordinary offer.
Should you perform your task well, the game will be deposited in a burlap sack underneath a bridge nearby the West River. That is all that is required for you to receive the title, which retails for an average of $4.99 used at GameStop, along with a rumpled instructional booklet. Nor should you concern yourself any further knowledge with this incident after the fact. Leave the body as is—we shall dispose of it.
However, we warn you that the consequences of failure in this undertaking will be dire. Indeed, if you should ever mention these directions to a living soul or flounder in carrying them out, we will not hesitate to come and take Brute Force back from you. It could be years from now or decades, but we will always be watching. Bear these warnings in mind before you think of betraying our confidence.