Illustration for article titled Irresponsible Man Not Even Doing Part To Develop Coronavirus Vaccine

PHOENIX—Expressing frustration over his cavalier attitude toward the pandemic, community sources confirmed Monday that local man Larry Baker wasn’t even doing his part to develop a coronavirus vaccine. “Doesn’t this guy know that if we pooled our resources together, we could create a vaccine in a matter of days,” said fellow grocery store shopper Sarit Diaz, who feared she was living in a country full of people who can’t be inconvenienced to do basic laboratory research to identify antigens for the greater good of humanity. “The government might have mishandled their response, but this is on our hands now. Look at how selfish he is. None of his kids are working on a vaccine, either. I mean, sure, his wife is donating to vaccine research, but it doesn’t really matter if she’s the only one.” At press time, shoppers confronted Baker demanding that he start administering clinical trials.

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