NEW YORK—Calling the virus a “wannabe star” that feeds off of the limelight, Fox News announced Wednesday that they had limited their pandemic coverage to avoid giving the Covid-19 the notoriety it craved.

“I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again—all the novel coronavirus wants is to become a household name, and by reporting on it, the left-wing, sensationalist media is playing right into its hands,” said Fox News host Tucker Carlson, adding that while he was taking the power away from the pandemic by ignoring it, other networks weren’t doing the country “any favors” by glorifying its spree of murders.

“Power. Fame. These so-called journalists are handing months worth of free publicity to the virus on a silver platter! That’s why, as a service to all Americans, I and my fellow anchors at Fox News will refuse to show its photo, a body count, or even say its name because we believe that doing so would encourage it and only serve to elevate it to a mythical status it so deeply desires.”

At press time, Carlson took several minutes to decry networks like CNN and MSNBC for being the “real virus,” and accused them of having the blood of Americans all over their hands.

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