PARENTS missing out on the joy of the school Christmas fayre this year are recreating the experience by stuffing their kids with sweets and giving away 50 quid.
Mums and dads who have already spent the year shelling out for uniforms, school lunches and quickly-abandoned extra-curricular activities like piano lessons are sad that the costly event has been cancelled.
Dad Martin Bishop said: “We always look forward to the annual carnival of forced jollity and super-efficient money-extraction that is the Christmas fayre.
“I love being fleeced out of £50 for face-painting, a weird bottle of aftershave off the tombola and a tree decoration made of twigs and wool. And I’m gutted I didn’t feel obliged to buy a stodgy homemade fruit cake.
“But for me the highlight is having the kids shrieking like banshees though the house until midnight because of the amount of sweets they’ve necked.
“The fayre can’t take place this year, so will make our own memories in these strange times by sending that £50 to the PTA and making little Oliver demolish a massive bag of Haribo in two minutes flat.
“It’s what Jesus would have wanted.”