WASHINGTON—Demanding to know why the receptacles showed such political bias, congressional Republicans reportedly grilled Postmaster General Louis DeJoy Friday over mailboxes censoring conservatives.

“Sir, how can you sit there when we believe that mailboxes are out there purposely suppressing conservative letters and preventing Republican packages from being delivered?” shouted Sen. James Lankford (R-OK), echoing concerns from other Republican members of the Senate Homeland Security Committee that biased mailbox technology was being used to silence conservative speech.

“How do these mailboxes work? Where is this mail even going? These mailboxes are echo chambers, plain and simple, and they’re designed to prevent conservative birthday cards and wedding announcements from being heard. For example, I personally haven’t received any well wishes from a friend or family member in months—are you telling me that’s not a clear example of mailboxes discriminating against Republicans?”

At press time, Republican senator Rob Portman was grilling the postmaster general about a spider on the mailbox that prevented him from sending letters to constituents and asking for answers about whatever Deep State plot put the arachnid there.

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