WASHINGTON—In an effort to help ease the economic burden of the coronavirus pandemic, Congress passed a new bill Wednesday that approved $3 trillion in funding for a 35-mile overpass capable of housing millions of recently evicted U.S. citizens.

“We know the American people are struggling, and we are thrilled to finally be able to offer them substantive relief in the form of this massive bridge structure that they can huddle under to avoid the elements,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, telling reporters that the overpass authorized by bill H.R. 487 would include plenty of shelter from the sun and wind as well as a generous 5-foot median to give a wide swath of unhoused Americans a place to sleep.

“All men, women, and children participating in the program will automatically be given a supply of trash bags and old grocery circulars, and we’re also thrilled to announce that $12 billion has already been earmarked for the manufacture of shopping carts for carrying belongings. We know times are tough, but together, we will get through this pandemic.”

Pelosi added that, obviously, lewd behavior or drug use would not be tolerated and much of the allocated funding would go towards weekly police sweeps of the overpass to ensure compliance. 

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